Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Jesse James & the Secret Legend of Captain Coytus by Alex Mueck @alexmueck #historical #humor

Bob Younger, who was younger than the other Younger brothers, put both hands up. “You’re trying to tell us bedding a girl is more fun than whipping a Negro? How dumb do you think I am?”
“Did you ever meet the Swedish skier living in Booneville, Ingemar Skidmark?”
Bob’s eyes seemed to reverse, as if he was looking within himself. “No,” he finally said.
“Hey.” Little Archie scowled. “He’s the village idiot.”
The Captain shrugged.
Jesse James clapped his hands. “I’ll tell you what’s better than sex. Gold. When you’re rich, you can have all the women you want.” He cast a friendly and charming smile at the Captain, who was torn between hatred and smiling back.
Edwards refilled his plate and said proudly, “Remember, the gold is for our future, the Knights of the Golden Circle.”
The Captain squinted at him. “Can we vote on a name change? This Golden Circle doesn’t sit well with me. I had a few thoughts. How about A.S.S.E.S? Alliance of Southern Sons Equals Success.” His face gleamed with pride.
“I don’t think so,” Edwards muttered.
“S.S.S. The Southern Stud Service?”
Edwards shook his head.
The Captain nodded. “True. Not with this crowd.”
He chewed as he spoke. “The Knights of the Golden Circle is a fine name.”
“I disagree. You’re not knights, for starters.”
Edwards’s face flushed like he’d never considered such. He composed himself and said, “At the top of the command, there are rituals that foster knighthood.”
“Until I see a sword and shield, I’m calling that bogus.” The Captain dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “And why a golden circle instead of silver square?”
Edwards dropped his fork and bit his lip in thought.
The Captain filled the void. “The Pseudo-Knights of the Red Rhombus would make a welcome change.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Tangerine Triangle?”
Frank James snapped his fingers. “I like that!”
JesseJames
“A historical fiction comedy that packs as much heart as humor.” —Michael Dadich, award-winning author of The Silver Sphere
When a Harvard history professor receives a thesis paper titled Jesse James and the Secret Legend of Captain Coytus, from Ulysses Hercules Baxter—an underwhelming student—he assumes the paper must be a prank. He has never read such maniacal balderdash in his life. But after he calls a meeting with the student, Professor Gladstone is dismayed when Baxter declares the work is his own. As he takes a very unwilling Professor Gladstone back in time via his thesis, Baxter’s grade hangs in the balance as he attempts to prove his theory.
It is 1864 as philanderer and crusader Captain Coytus embarks on a mission to avenge his father’s death and infiltrates the Confederate Bushwacker posse looking for the man responsible, Jesse Woodson James. Accompanied by the woman of his dreams, Coytus soon finds himself temporarily appointed to be the sheriff of Booneville and commissions his less-than-loyal deputy to help him carry out his plan.
But when tragedy strikes, the Captain is forced to change his immature ways and redefine his lofty mission—more or less."
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Genre - Humor, Historical Fiction
Rating – R
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